Why Passing My Driving Test Changed My Life

Good and healthy self esteem is important for all of us. Here, I explain how passing my driving test changed my outlook and how I perceive my own abilities.
Self-esteem issues plague us all at one point in our lives. These issues can reach their peak in your teens and plague is in our twenties. I know at certain points I’ve felt on top of the world and like I could achieve anything and other times I’ve felt like giving up entirely and not pursuing my goals at all. My driving test was a turning point in my life. While it’s a particularly mundane achievement to most people, it was something that changed how I perceived myself and what my abilities were. I passed my test at twenty-seven years old. It took a long time and I went through a rollercoaster of emotions over the course of a couple of years.

When I first got into a car, I didn’t know which was the clutch, which was the break and which was the accelerator. I started learning at twenty-three. I definitely had no idea how to open a bonnet and I didn’t know how to fill petrol. My knowledge of the rules of the road were basic. I had a long road to go down, no pun intended. It was daunting and intimidating and a whole new challenge.

I’m educated. I’m not being boastful nor do I think I’m smarter than anyone who isn’t. I got my bachelor’s degree in 2012 at 22 years old. It wasn’t an easy ride either. If I didn’t put in the work, I wouldn’t pass. I remember the pages of my thesis lying on my living room floor. I remember the tears and tantrums and feeling like I wanted to give up. I remember failing my third year assessment and having to re-do my year’s work in the space of three months. It all came together in the end. I have a bachelor’s degree and this is an achievement that no one can take away from me.. I did it, no one did it for me.

Here’s where my driving test was different. Driving was a practical life skill that I needed to learn no matter where I ended up. Living in the countryside for the time being meant I was overly dependent on family members to take me here and there. This started to really get old for all of us by the time I reached my mid twenties. I was tired of being dependent and not knowing how. It was time for me to gain some independence and therefore some good self esteem.

In Ireland, driving is very expensive and bureaucratic. It takes a lot of money, a lot of paperwork and a lot of patience. Most of us don’t learn until our late teens and twenties and many in their thirties and some in their forties. It wasn’t like I was under pressure from my peers to learn. I just needed to do it for my own sake.

I had days where my lessons went really well and I felt on top of the world-  and that I was going to pass in a matter of months. Then another day would come around where I did everything wrong, I ran a red light or I stalled four times. One day I went up the wrong side of the road leaving the test centre (yes that actually happened, no exaggeration). Those days were rough. I felt humiliated and defeated. I’d turn up at my boyfriend’s house in tears. Similarly, I’d be crying at the steering wheel at my poor dad.

Learning how to drive and getting my license represented independence to me and it represented something else. If I got my license, it meant I was competent and that’s what the certificate says after you get it- “certificate of competence”. I knew it would raise my self esteem and make me feel like I could actually improve my situation and that things weren’t hopeless.

The first time I did the test, I failed miserably. I rushed into it. I made too many mistakes. I think I got over twenty marks on my sheet. I was again, defeated and disappointed in myself. With my tail between my legs, I decided to put my head down and really try again. A year later, I passed my test with only three marks.

My tester casually uttered “so you passed anyway” and I think I swore at him in disbelief in January of 2017. It was honestly, my proudest moment because it represented so much to me. It represented independence, competence, and that I was the master of my own destiny and that I could trust myself. It gave me good self esteem. Almost a year later, I drive myself everywhere in my own car and it’s just another part of my routine. However, I’ll never forget the hard work I put in to change my situation and when things feel particularly hopeless and like my self esteem and confidence in myself is at an all time low, I’ll remember I passed my driving test. I did that, no one did it for me. I also fill my own petrol.